The Soul Space – Ep4. Boundaries
I think I’ve been talking about and I’ve been dealing with it my whole life. But it is very useful to remind ourselves to use boundaries whenever we are interacting with other people and especially if you consider yourself to be a sensitive person or someone who is intuitive or is open to other people, more than “normal”.
The Fear of Separation
It is a very good thing to keep in mind to set up your boundaries when you interact with the rest of the world. Sometimes with boundaries, the problem is that we can perceive them as a way to separate ourselves from other people. As a way to really cut the communication and the energy flow from ourselves and to another. And that is actually not the case. I mean it is of course at that moment or in a very specific situation.
There is a certain interruption of communication or exchange of energy of some sort. But it is just a punctual thing, and we have to kind of be reminded of that sometimes. I have to remind that even myself that many times it is just about any specific situation or a given moment in time when I need to be separated or I need to keep my space or my energy to myself and it doesn’t mean that there is a continuous interruption of this exchange or that it will last forever or that it will never be again possible to contact or be in contact with this person again.
And of course, there is also the manner in which we can set up a boundary because sometimes it can be very explosive or very hard that can also be causing some kind of heartbreak in the other person. We could be worried about that too. But normally we’d only arrived this point to the point of setting up a very harsh and very abrupt boundary when we have neglected the need of doing it for a long time. Then suddenly when it happens in a very explosive way.
It’s up to us to manage or to decide in which way we are setting up that boundary, and we can also do this in a very gentle way compassionately but firmly. It is really almost like a paradox although is not. We need to learn to say no firmly without being impolite or aggressive, but we are just saying no or not at this time. I think this is one of the scariest parts. Is this feeling of disconnection and since many of us are craving for a connection and for being nurturing in our relationships being loving and available. This is also what triggers our incapacity to actually set up a boundary because we feel that we can let someone down or that we are going to not be of service to that person.
Setting boundaries is also a service
But trust me or better yet, trust yourself that even you are feeling the need to set up a boundary and you are actually guarding your own energy and your own time. For instance, you are actually being of service also to that person because if that person was going get from you a favor and you were saying “no” at that time that person is going to look for someone else available who is going to give the same kind of service or the same kind of favor that you were that you were going to provide but if you were going to have an internal conflict while you were doing this service the energy of that was going to be at least a bit in a wobble and would feel uncomfortable. So this part of the uncomfortable giving. It’s also something that the other person is going to feel at the same time that you are not putting your boundary and maybe also feeling victimized by doing something that we are not willing to do from the core of our being.
So this is also why you’re also providing a service or you are doing good to the other person while you were saying no because then this person is going to look for the same favor and someone else will serve his that and will honor that in a way that is more in line with what this person is asking or is looking for while we are if we are doing it, and we don’t want to do it we are going to have these mixed feelings.
In the end, it’s also a good thing not to do things when you are really not convinced or not true to yourself while you’re doing it. This is one of the things that was the hardest for me to understand while I was going about the process of setting boundaries to people, was this idea of disconnection. At the moment you set up a boundary you disconnect yourself from this person from this exchange. But we have to understand it is just something temporarily. Of course, depends on the kind of relationship. It can be a one-time situation or it can be a one subject one area of your life where you are not able or willing to do that kind of service anymore. But maybe there are other areas where you can connect. Like the emotional support for someone where you’re not able nor willing to do anymore because you know you will get drained so much that you are not helping the other person. It even gets worse and then you both go into a deeper hole, into a very low vibration and you feel awful afterward. So that’s not helping him/her and not helping you.
Maybe there are other areas may be something more material, more practical where you can still connect, or you just can space out that connection and maybe you would see that person daily now you’re going to see it weekly or biweekly. It is important to really identify what is the fear that setting up a boundary triggers for me.
In a more extreme case where you are setting up a boundary that is more definite that is lasting in time it will mean that you won’t see that person for a longer period and you’re probably struggling with deciding whether to do it or not ending a relationship it is important soothing to know that even if this disconnection will happen in a human level in this time or space reality it will not happen at a soul level. There will always be a connection at that level. I know that it is difficult sometimes to grasp this idea and also to accept that even if you are not seeing a person. And you cannot communicate with a person at a human level because most likely in the mix, there is also the ego and probably is not allowing you to communicate in a more direct and heart-to-heart manner then it is difficult for us to accept that the moment has arrived to say goodbye.
We are never disconnected
However, at a soul level, you will be still able to communicate through your thoughts and vibration and feeling in communion while you send wonderful loving thoughts and appreciate that person. Eventually maybe because it happens, at some point you will both move through your life and change your energy vibration and you might meet later or maybe not. You also could understand and take advantage of the knowing that the moment you are leaving someone out of your life.
There is also a possibility that would that you will bring back into your life another connection at a human level with another human being in a way that is more aligned with who you are at the same time with who you are allowing yourself to be at a vibrational level with the focus that you have at that moment. With the kind of energy or positivity or love for life for lust for life or whatever that is or the experience of freedom together or the experience of joy together or the experience of expansion together because maybe when you are with that person you are always expanding your world your ideas the possibilities of what can be done or not done or what is happening and what can be happening as a possibility.
So it really depends on what is your anchor with this person from which you separated or would like to separate, and that you can reproduce the core, the essence of that exchange with that human and really bring it to with a new person and still it doesn’t mean that you will lose have a soul connection with the person that you left. Be it a friendship or a love relationship or whatever. Anyway, in the end, there are all exchanges whether if there is physicality or not or a more emotional or deep emotional interaction. There’s always there’s always an exchange of energy that happens when we relate to another person.
Why setting up boundaries really?
Then, what are the benefits are really putting these boundaries and maybe cutting off people from your life that you will find at the same time they are due to you but at the same time that maybe you have an inner conflict about how you are feeling around these people. So basically the advantage is that you will actually protect and you will allow yourself to expand your own energy in a way that feels good for you so you will have also more of yourself to give to others because at the end we are givers we are joyful to give, and we are many times in service to others at some level. So especially if you have healing abilities or you have the tendency to be the healer in your community or in or with the people that you are with or you are the emotional supporter of your community your family.
It is important that if we understand that by doing and setting boundaries we are actually then taking care of the core of our being that actually wants to expand and bring more of that vibration and more of that energy into our body so that we can really be these bridges and these channels of vibration to others not that others cannot access that vibration. But it means that sometimes we are these points of anchorage of certain vibrations so that other people can in the mirror back into themselves and then access them.
We are all mirroring each other’s possibilities of being, in vibrations that we can then access while we are looking and interaction with other people accessing that specific vibration. So that’s why it’s important to set of boundaries in that way it will be useful if we want our cups to overflow and keep on giving the good stuff to keep on spreading the good feelings and the good vibe in the world you have to have your cup for so then it can overflow and share with other people.